film – JG Judgementally Comments…

The Mandalorian and Grogu

Mando and Grogu finally get their first movie outing. But can they charm on the big screen as well as the small one?

What’s The Movie? The (first?) Mandalorian and Grogu movie, The Mandalorian and Grogu

What’s It All About, JG? Following the events of both Return of the Jedi and The Mandalorian (and, I suppose we have to acknowledge, The Book of Boba Fett) Mando and Grogu are doing missions for the former Rebellion / New Republic. This leads Mando to accept a contract to rescue Rotta the Hutt, Jabba’s son in order to get information The Hutt Twins, who have taken over Jabba’s criminal enterprise following his death in Return of the Jedi. Cue a couple of hours of shenanigans as Mando and Grogu try to rescue someone who doesn’t need rescuing (then very definitely does), a visit to the Twins’ planet, more creatures than you can shake a stick at, and an ending that very much promises us more fun in this little side pocket of Star Wars.

Good Luck, Have Fun, Don’t Die

Old Man Yells At Clouds: The Movie

What’s The Movie? The 2025 movie I forgot to watch, Good Luck, Have Fun, Don’t Die

What’s It All About, JG? A nameless man from the future (Sam Rockwell) arrives in a Los Angeles diner, ranting about being there to save the world and needing to recruit people from the diner to help him do that. AI destroys the world in the future, and he’s travelled back in time to install some safety protocols in the software before it becomes self-aware to ensure that humanity survives. If that sounds a bit Terminator-y, well, you’re not wrong. Anyway, the man grabs a motley connection of people – including a couple of teachers, a kids-party princess, a lonely woman who just wants pie, among others – and they escape the diner after the cops get called. They’re hunting for the “daddy of the AI”, a 9 year old boy who created it. After overcoming a collection of sometimes-funny, sometimes-surreal, sometimes-violent mishaps, they find the boy’s house, only to discover that the AI is creating itself. It turns out the man from the future is the son of one of the women he took from the diner – Ingrid, the Princess (Haley Lu Richardson). Ingrid’s allergic to technology but forces herself to install the safety protocols. Thinking they’ve succeeded, they go outside to celebrate, only for the man to see they’ve been tricked. He realises the security protocols don’t work, so zaps back to the future with a new plan – infect the world with Ingrid’s tech allergy via rats. He reappears at the diner from the start of the film, and the whole loop begins again.

Project Hail Mary

Can Ryan Gosling save the sun with the aid of a sentient pebble?

What’s It All About, JG? The Earth’s sun and almost all nearby stars are getting eaten by microbes – a plot so believable it’s possible it was a rejected sequel to The Core – but it’s discovered that one isn’t. That means it’s down to a small team of astronauts to go figure out why. Unfortunately, only one survives the trip, Ryland Grace (Ryan Gosling), and he’s got amnesia, the better to explain the plot in flashbacks. Orbiting Tau Ceti e, the only star without Space Cooties, he encounters a stone-like alien he dubs Rocky. Between the two of them, they have to figure out how to save the sun (well, lots of suns), get their cure back to their respective civilisations, and survive long enough for a feel-good ending. Do they make it? Yes. Yes they do.

Live and Let Die

It’s Roger’s first time in the tux! But does Live and Let Die manage to get the struggling movie series back on track?

Connery’s gone! Yes, again! So rather than a hard-nosed Scot or a slightly effete Australian, step forward instead the debonair, smooth and decidedly English Roger Moore, who takes over the role for the first time. But can his first outing hit the highs of Connery’s tenure? Or will he get lost in the slush like Lazenby?

Pre-Existing Prejudices

Well it’s the Blaxploitation one, isn’t it? James Bond coming up against the then-popular genre certainly isn’t an obvious combination, and there’s no denying the Bond series has generally struggled when it comes to displaying other cultures. I haven’t seen this in a very long time, so whether the racial or cultural politics stand the test of time I don’t know, but I do at least remember a few decent performances. And one which very, very much isn’t (can you guess who that might be?)

Diamonds Are Forever

The second of three exits for Connery but is this one any better than his first effort to leave the role?

Connery’s back! After Lazenby’s attack of ego / poor management advise-inspired decision to turn down a contract for several more Bond movies, Connery steps back into the role after having a metric fucktonne of money thrown at him to persuade him to do so. But now the first Bond has returned to the role, will the movie sparkle as brightly as the titular diamonds?

On Her Majesty’s Secret Service

Connery’s gone, Lazenby’s in but can he convince as a Bond for the ages or will his Service no longer be required?

For the first time in the series, “James Bond Will Return” means Bond but not the actor playing him, as Connery gives way to George Lazenby’s one-and-done attempt to take over the title role. But is his poor reputation deserved, and does one of the most forgotten of all Bond films deserved to be relegated to “oh yeah, that one” status?

Pre-Existing Prejudices:

If I’ve seen this one all the way through then I have absolutely no memory of it. I know the famous final scene well enough, and a couple of set-pieces, but beyond that… blank. So Lazenby is going to get a fair crack of the whip, if nothing else – I honestly have no idea how good or otherwise he is in the role, nor anything else about him at all, really. I’m rather keen to watch what amounts to an entirely new Bond, so let’s get on with it!

You Only Live Twice

It’s the first of three “last Bond movies” for Connery but will it give him an exist he deserves?

Pre-existing Prejudices: Well, I know it’s the first of three “last” Bond movies for Connery, I know it’s the one with the volcano base, and I know it’s the one where we finally get to meet Blofeld. But it’s another I haven’t seen in its entirety for… actually I don’t know if I’ve ever seen it in its entity. Should be fun then!

The Actual Film:

Ohhh, we start in space! Or at least a painting of the Earth around which a small, unconvincing model is orbiting. That’s certainly something new. The spacewalk scenes are obviously man-on-wire but they’re ambitious, and points scored for having the Earth actually rotate beneath them as they “orbit”. But then the capsule is attacked by a giant butt-plug/spaceship eater. They’re doing their best, and the model-work is clear enough in what it’s trying to achieve, but the special effects are bit more Gerry Anderson than 2001. The American capsule is drawn inside the mysterious new craft, and the astronaut left dead in space when his airline is cut is suitably nasty, as he floats away forever. Cut to a conference inside two golf balls, and a bit of UK/USSR/US politicking. The Americans and Russians accuse each other, but the UK thinks there might be a third possibility. Hmmm…

Thunderball

After redefining what a Bond movie could do with Goldfinger, can Thunderball keep up the momentum or is it a bit of a damp squb?

Pre-existing Prejudices: None. I remember next to nothing about Thunderball, beyond Tom Jones’s attempts to drown out timpani on the theme song (“so he strikes! DUH-DUH-DUH-DA-DUUUUUH! Like Thunnnnnnnnnnnderball!”), and the inevitable fact that it’s the one with all the underwater action sequences. So a fairly clean slate, then. Let’s see how it goes!

The Actual Movie

We open on a funeral, which is at least a new start for a Bond movie. Bond appears to actually be on point here, and it’s a reasonable fake-out that the flag covering the coffin has the initials JB on it – but not Our Mr Bond, of course, but instead SPECTRE agent Jaques Bouvar (yes, we’re in France). Cut to – country house and Bond guessing that Bouvar’s “widow” is actually the man himself in widow’s clothes after faking his own death… Bond works this out because he opens the car door himself, whereas the widow would have waited to have it opened for her. What, women can’t open car doors? What the fuck, Thunderball?

Goldfinger

It’s Goldfinger! But does the movie live up to it’s totemic reputation?

Pre-existing prejudices: It’s Goldfinger. Also, for reasons best kept to myself, I’m aware that Fleming named the bad guy in the book after the Brutalist/modernist architect Erno Goldfinger because Fleming so despised his concrete buildings. And obviously, this contains a string of clichés even someone who has never seen a Bond movie would know – Pussy Galore, Odd-Job, “No, Mr Bond, I expect you to die!” and so forth. Whatever else you can say about this film, its place as part of the cultural lexicon is unshakeable, and that must mean something. Let’s find out what!

The Actual Movie:

As with From Russia With Love, we immediately start with the gun barrel opening still where it should be, and with the appropriate theme.

And as with the last film, we get a pre-credits sequence, though unlike the last film this one has absolutely no relevance to the movie whatsoever. Bond swims into a harbour with a duck on his head – not the perfect disguise, and more than a little dignity-stripping. Still, there’s no obfuscation here as there was with From Russia With Love, and the Bond theme has piped up before the two-minute mark (and again to delineate action, which is now its sole use). But we’re all action here as Bond breaks into the wherever-he-is and plans to blow it up. His bomb clock timer is rather sweet, an alarm clock with a big square battery, attached to Big Red Barrels of Nitro.

From Russia With Love

James Bond is back! But can the second outing live up to the promise of the first?

For the first time, James Bond Is Back! After the success of Dr No, a second film was all but a certainty, so here it is. Connery’s still in the title role, M is still in the big leather office, and Moneypenny’s still manning the phones, so everything’s in place.

Pre-existing Prejudices
As with Dr No, personally few. I definitely haven’t seen this in over two decades, though I know this is lots of people’s favourite from the Connery era, and often just their favourite full stop. For me, it’s the one with the Lesbian Russian Spy Lady and her bladed footwear, the fight in the train carriage, and Blofeld’s first appearance, but that’s about it.

The Actual Movie
Again I must break my own self-imposed rule and mention the title sequence, because right away the film opens with the famous gun barrel sequence, this time with the correct Bond theme playing over it, not screechy electronics, and Connery firing at the camera. The extent to which this makes it feel like a real Bond movie is hard to overstate.