Movies – JG Judgementally Comments…

Superman

Superman is back! But can the character still work in a modern context?

What’s the Movie? Superman, 2025 version

What’s It All About, JG? Superman (David Corinswet) stops Jarhanpur from being invaded by Boravia, a US ally, and, as a result, gets his ass kicked and is defeated for the very first time by a metahuman going by the name of The Hammer of Boravia (which sounds like some kind of black metal band). Landing in Antarctica, he retreats to the Fortress of Solitude – or rather is dragged there by his dog, Krypto – before returning to the fight, unaware that he’s been followed. Later, after Luthor releases a monster in Metropolis to distract Superman and the “Justice Gang” (Green Lantern, Hawk Girl, Mr Terrific), The Engineer (Maria Gabriela de Faria) and Lex Luthor (Nicholas Holt) break in and The Engineer uses the nanotechnology in her body to hack the computer system there. They discover that a damaged message from Superman’s parents contains a second half where they tell Superman he should rule over humanity ruthlessly. Luthor uses this to destroy public support for Superman and ultimately captures him in a pocket universe using Metamorpho (Anthony Carrigan), who can create kryptonite with his body.

Superman escapes, saving Metamorpho’s son in the process, while Mr Terrific and Lois Lane (Rachel Brosnahan) find a way into the pocket universe so they can escape. A demoralised Superman returns to Ma and Pa Kent, who tell him it’s what he does that makes him who he is, not some silly message. This gives Superman enough hope that he stops Luthor, who has unleashed a dimensional rift and wants to start the war between Boravia and Jarhanpur, so he could have half of Jarhanpur after. Turns out he’s cloned Superman (which is how he got into the Fortress of Solitude) and used him as the Hammer of Boravia, and the whole scheme was just to take down Superman anyway. He doesn’t, and Krypto – the true hero of this film – takes him down.

Live and Let Die

It’s Roger’s first time in the tux! But does Live and Let Die manage to get the struggling movie series back on track?

Connery’s gone! Yes, again! So rather than a hard-nosed Scot or a slightly effete Australian, step forward instead the debonair, smooth and decidedly English Roger Moore, who takes over the role for the first time. But can his first outing hit the highs of Connery’s tenure? Or will he get lost in the slush like Lazenby?

Pre-Existing Prejudices

Well it’s the Blaxploitation one, isn’t it? James Bond coming up against the then-popular genre certainly isn’t an obvious combination, and there’s no denying the Bond series has generally struggled when it comes to displaying other cultures. I haven’t seen this in a very long time, so whether the racial or cultural politics stand the test of time I don’t know, but I do at least remember a few decent performances. And one which very, very much isn’t (can you guess who that might be?)

Diamonds Are Forever

The second of three exits for Connery but is this one any better than his first effort to leave the role?

Connery’s back! After Lazenby’s attack of ego / poor management advise-inspired decision to turn down a contract for several more Bond movies, Connery steps back into the role after having a metric fucktonne of money thrown at him to persuade him to do so. But now the first Bond has returned to the role, will the movie sparkle as brightly as the titular diamonds?

On Her Majesty’s Secret Service

Connery’s gone, Lazenby’s in but can he convince as a Bond for the ages or will his Service no longer be required?

For the first time in the series, “James Bond Will Return” means Bond but not the actor playing him, as Connery gives way to George Lazenby’s one-and-done attempt to take over the title role. But is his poor reputation deserved, and does one of the most forgotten of all Bond films deserved to be relegated to “oh yeah, that one” status?

Pre-Existing Prejudices:

If I’ve seen this one all the way through then I have absolutely no memory of it. I know the famous final scene well enough, and a couple of set-pieces, but beyond that… blank. So Lazenby is going to get a fair crack of the whip, if nothing else – I honestly have no idea how good or otherwise he is in the role, nor anything else about him at all, really. I’m rather keen to watch what amounts to an entirely new Bond, so let’s get on with it!

You Only Live Twice

It’s the first of three “last Bond movies” for Connery but will it give him an exist he deserves?

Pre-existing Prejudices: Well, I know it’s the first of three “last” Bond movies for Connery, I know it’s the one with the volcano base, and I know it’s the one where we finally get to meet Blofeld. But it’s another I haven’t seen in its entirety for… actually I don’t know if I’ve ever seen it in its entity. Should be fun then!

The Actual Film:

Ohhh, we start in space! Or at least a painting of the Earth around which a small, unconvincing model is orbiting. That’s certainly something new. The spacewalk scenes are obviously man-on-wire but they’re ambitious, and points scored for having the Earth actually rotate beneath them as they “orbit”. But then the capsule is attacked by a giant butt-plug/spaceship eater. They’re doing their best, and the model-work is clear enough in what it’s trying to achieve, but the special effects are bit more Gerry Anderson than 2001. The American capsule is drawn inside the mysterious new craft, and the astronaut left dead in space when his airline is cut is suitably nasty, as he floats away forever. Cut to a conference inside two golf balls, and a bit of UK/USSR/US politicking. The Americans and Russians accuse each other, but the UK thinks there might be a third possibility. Hmmm…

Thunderball

After redefining what a Bond movie could do with Goldfinger, can Thunderball keep up the momentum or is it a bit of a damp squb?

Pre-existing Prejudices: None. I remember next to nothing about Thunderball, beyond Tom Jones’s attempts to drown out timpani on the theme song (“so he strikes! DUH-DUH-DUH-DA-DUUUUUH! Like Thunnnnnnnnnnnderball!”), and the inevitable fact that it’s the one with all the underwater action sequences. So a fairly clean slate, then. Let’s see how it goes!

The Actual Movie

We open on a funeral, which is at least a new start for a Bond movie. Bond appears to actually be on point here, and it’s a reasonable fake-out that the flag covering the coffin has the initials JB on it – but not Our Mr Bond, of course, but instead SPECTRE agent Jaques Bouvar (yes, we’re in France). Cut to – country house and Bond guessing that Bouvar’s “widow” is actually the man himself in widow’s clothes after faking his own death… Bond works this out because he opens the car door himself, whereas the widow would have waited to have it opened for her. What, women can’t open car doors? What the fuck, Thunderball?

Goldfinger

It’s Goldfinger! But does the movie live up to it’s totemic reputation?

Pre-existing prejudices: It’s Goldfinger. Also, for reasons best kept to myself, I’m aware that Fleming named the bad guy in the book after the Brutalist/modernist architect Erno Goldfinger because Fleming so despised his concrete buildings. And obviously, this contains a string of clichés even someone who has never seen a Bond movie would know – Pussy Galore, Odd-Job, “No, Mr Bond, I expect you to die!” and so forth. Whatever else you can say about this film, its place as part of the cultural lexicon is unshakeable, and that must mean something. Let’s find out what!

The Actual Movie:

As with From Russia With Love, we immediately start with the gun barrel opening still where it should be, and with the appropriate theme.

And as with the last film, we get a pre-credits sequence, though unlike the last film this one has absolutely no relevance to the movie whatsoever. Bond swims into a harbour with a duck on his head – not the perfect disguise, and more than a little dignity-stripping. Still, there’s no obfuscation here as there was with From Russia With Love, and the Bond theme has piped up before the two-minute mark (and again to delineate action, which is now its sole use). But we’re all action here as Bond breaks into the wherever-he-is and plans to blow it up. His bomb clock timer is rather sweet, an alarm clock with a big square battery, attached to Big Red Barrels of Nitro.

From Russia With Love

James Bond is back! But can the second outing live up to the promise of the first?

For the first time, James Bond Is Back! After the success of Dr No, a second film was all but a certainty, so here it is. Connery’s still in the title role, M is still in the big leather office, and Moneypenny’s still manning the phones, so everything’s in place.

Pre-existing Prejudices
As with Dr No, personally few. I definitely haven’t seen this in over two decades, though I know this is lots of people’s favourite from the Connery era, and often just their favourite full stop. For me, it’s the one with the Lesbian Russian Spy Lady and her bladed footwear, the fight in the train carriage, and Blofeld’s first appearance, but that’s about it.

The Actual Movie
Again I must break my own self-imposed rule and mention the title sequence, because right away the film opens with the famous gun barrel sequence, this time with the correct Bond theme playing over it, not screechy electronics, and Connery firing at the camera. The extent to which this makes it feel like a real Bond movie is hard to overstate.

Dr No

Back where Bond became Bond. But is Dr No a good film or just the place where it all starts?

Where it all began! After apparently every actor to ever appear on screen being offered the role, Sean Connery eventually steps into the tux and brings British secret agent James Bond to life for the very first time, in the role that will go on to define his entire career .

Pre-existing Prejudices
Surprisingly few. I’ve seen this film, but I doubt I’ve seen it in… thirty years maybe? Longer? I definitely saw it as a kid, and probably I even liked it, but beyond a few random images I have almost no memory of this at all.

Godzilla Minus One

Godzilla’s back and, for the very first time, Oscar-nominated! But does G-1 deserve the plaudits?

What’s The Movie? Godzilla Minus One

What’s It All About, JG? In 1945, a kamikaze pilot, Kōichi Shikishima (Ryunosuke Kamiki), lands his plane at a repair station on Odo Island, pretending it’s malfunctioning in order to avoid completing his mission. While there, Godzilla (a relatively small version) emerges and smashes the place to smithereens. Shikishima is ordered to his plane to use the gun but freezes up and can’t open fire so almost the whole population is wiped out. Returning to Tokyo and riddled with survivor’s guilt, he first discovers his parents have been killed, then takes in Noriko Ōishi and the orphaned baby she’s caring for. Over the course of a year they slowly grow closer while Shikishima gets a job clearing mines with a whacky collection of crew (“Doc”, “The Kid”) that both sides put down during the war. At the same time, the nuclear testing mutates Godzilla and he becomes a… bigger rampaging monster? Yep! They witness Godzilla destroy a naval ship then it heads landward to wreck as much of Japan as the special effects budget can stretch to. During this attack, Noriko sacrifices herself to save Shikishima. Finally, Godzilla uses its heat ray to trigger what is very obviously a nuclear explosion, before returning to the sea. Doc, along with a collection of citizens and some decommissioned ships, contrives a plan to take out Godzilla by sinking it to the bottom of the sea and then shooting it back up again while Shikishima distracts it from the air in the lone plane Japan has post World War II. Shikishima, now suicidal after the loss of Noriko, sees this as his chance to redeem the deaths on Odo Island, and once Godzilla has been sunk and resurfaced, flies the plane loaded with explosives into Godzilla’s mouth… only to eject at the last second. Godzilla is stopped and, in the final scene, we discover Norkio survived and is in hospital.

And in the final shot… Godzilla survived too.