JG Judgementally Comments...

Doctor Who Season 15/2 Episode 2,”Lux”

The first episode wasn’t great but can “Lux” be the light at the end of the tunnel?

What’s The Episode? “Lux”

What’s It All About, JG? The Doctor and Belinda arrive in 1950s Florida, where people have gone missing at the local cinema. They investigate and discover that the projectionist, Reginald Pye (Linus Roache) is still inside, playing movies to an empty theatre. Inside the theatre, they are terrorised (allegedly) by Mr Ring-a-Ding (Alan Cumming), an old-timey cartoon who is actually Lux Imperator, the god of Light. After faffing about in an animated section and a metatexual section, they escape back into the real work. They manage to defeat Lux by having Reginald Pye use a bunch of celluloid to blow a hole in the back of the cinema, let in lots of sunlight, and then Mr Ring-a-Ding just sort of drifts away (rather like the point of this episode) and the missing people are all restored.

Doctor Who Season 15/2 Episode 1, “The Robot Revolution”

Ncuti Gatwa’s back for a second season of the fifteenth Doctor. But can Season 2 manage a better start than his first one?

What’s the Episode? “The Robot Revolution”, the first episode of Season 2 (let’s not get into the whole numbering thing again).

What’s It All About, JG? The episode starts with Belinda Chandra (Varada Sethu) getting a star certificate from her awkward boyfriend Alan (Jonny Green) before cutting forward 17 years, where she’s a nurse working in a hospital and living in shared accommodation with other twenty-somethings. A robot turns up and abducts her, just as the Doctor arrives to try and prevent said abduction (and Mrs Flood does a bit more fourth-wall breaking). She’s taken to the planet MsBelindaChandra, the one that Alan named after her, to be made queen and marry the AI generator. The Doctor turns up to try and save her, cry, and generally put things right. The robots on this planet rebelled against the population for what seemed to be no reason. The AI generator actually turns out to be Al (as in Alan), her old boyfriend, who has been wired into the planet’s system and was responsible for said robot revolution via some timey-wimey shenanigans and time slippage. He’s stopped by touching two versions of the star certificate from different times which reduces him to a single egg and sperm. Trying to take Belinda back home, because she does not want to be there, the Doctor discovers the TARDIS bounces off 25th May 2025 and so they need to go the long way round.

You Only Live Twice

It’s the first of three “last Bond movies” for Connery but will it give him an exist he deserves?

Pre-existing Prejudices: Well, I know it’s the first of three “last” Bond movies for Connery, I know it’s the one with the volcano base, and I know it’s the one where we finally get to meet Blofeld. But it’s another I haven’t seen in its entirety for… actually I don’t know if I’ve ever seen it in its entity. Should be fun then!

The Actual Film:

Ohhh, we start in space! Or at least a painting of the Earth around which a small, unconvincing model is orbiting. That’s certainly something new. The spacewalk scenes are obviously man-on-wire but they’re ambitious, and points scored for having the Earth actually rotate beneath them as they “orbit”. But then the capsule is attacked by a giant butt-plug/spaceship eater. They’re doing their best, and the model-work is clear enough in what it’s trying to achieve, but the special effects are bit more Gerry Anderson than 2001. The American capsule is drawn inside the mysterious new craft, and the astronaut left dead in space when his airline is cut is suitably nasty, as he floats away forever. Cut to a conference inside two golf balls, and a bit of UK/USSR/US politicking. The Americans and Russians accuse each other, but the UK thinks there might be a third possibility. Hmmm…

Thunderball

After redefining what a Bond movie could do with Goldfinger, can Thunderball keep up the momentum or is it a bit of a damp squb?

Pre-existing Prejudices: None. I remember next to nothing about Thunderball, beyond Tom Jones’s attempts to drown out timpani on the theme song (“so he strikes! DUH-DUH-DUH-DA-DUUUUUH! Like Thunnnnnnnnnnnderball!”), and the inevitable fact that it’s the one with all the underwater action sequences. So a fairly clean slate, then. Let’s see how it goes!

The Actual Movie

We open on a funeral, which is at least a new start for a Bond movie. Bond appears to actually be on point here, and it’s a reasonable fake-out that the flag covering the coffin has the initials JB on it – but not Our Mr Bond, of course, but instead SPECTRE agent Jaques Bouvar (yes, we’re in France). Cut to – country house and Bond guessing that Bouvar’s “widow” is actually the man himself in widow’s clothes after faking his own death… Bond works this out because he opens the car door himself, whereas the widow would have waited to have it opened for her. What, women can’t open car doors? What the fuck, Thunderball?

The Fall Guy

Another old TV show gets dragged out of the past with a big remake but can The Fall Guy provide the requisite thrills and spills? Er…

What’s The Movie? The Ryan Gosling-starring The Fall Guy

What’s It All About, JG? Dunno. Oh all right, Colt Seavers (Ryan Gosling) is a stuntman who doubles for famous action star Tom Ryder (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) and who is pining after cameraperson Jody Moreno (Emily Blunt). When a stunt goes wrong and he breaks his back, Colt vanishes in shame and Jody goes on to become a big-shot director. Eighteen months later, he’s persuaded back into his old job for a sci-fi epic being shot in Sydney and directed by Jody. Under the (false) impression she asked for him, he heads over, only to find the real reason he’s been brought to the set is that Tom has fallen in with a bad crowd and has gone missing and Jody’s film is over budget and in danger of being closed down. Mmm. Anyway, Colt investigates while slowly getting back together with Jody (often very slowly) until he finds out Tom accidentally killed someone and wants to use Colt as the fall guy (heh) to take the blame. The rest of the film is just Tom getting caught by Colt, incriminating himself and producer Gail Myer (Hannah Waddingham), who was in on the conspiracy. And of course, Colt and Jody reconcile. The movie is finished, Jason Mamoa becomes the replacement star in what is presumably meant to be a funny moment, and that’s your lot apart from the inevitable mid-credits scene where Lee Majors and Heather Thomas from the original show crop up for a cameo.

Goldfinger

It’s Goldfinger! But does the movie live up to it’s totemic reputation?

Pre-existing prejudices: It’s Goldfinger. Also, for reasons best kept to myself, I’m aware that Fleming named the bad guy in the book after the Brutalist/modernist architect Erno Goldfinger because Fleming so despised his concrete buildings. And obviously, this contains a string of clichés even someone who has never seen a Bond movie would know – Pussy Galore, Odd-Job, “No, Mr Bond, I expect you to die!” and so forth. Whatever else you can say about this film, its place as part of the cultural lexicon is unshakeable, and that must mean something. Let’s find out what!

The Actual Movie:

As with From Russia With Love, we immediately start with the gun barrel opening still where it should be, and with the appropriate theme.

And as with the last film, we get a pre-credits sequence, though unlike the last film this one has absolutely no relevance to the movie whatsoever. Bond swims into a harbour with a duck on his head – not the perfect disguise, and more than a little dignity-stripping. Still, there’s no obfuscation here as there was with From Russia With Love, and the Bond theme has piped up before the two-minute mark (and again to delineate action, which is now its sole use). But we’re all action here as Bond breaks into the wherever-he-is and plans to blow it up. His bomb clock timer is rather sweet, an alarm clock with a big square battery, attached to Big Red Barrels of Nitro.

Doctor Who Christmas Special – “Joy To The World”

Christmas Specials are back! But is there anything actually special about it?

What’s The Episode? The Christmas 2024 special, “Joy To The World”.

What’s It All About, JG? The Doctor (Ncuti Gatwa) arrives at a Time Hotel where a briefcase with ideas above its station is possessing then killing the wearer as it upgrades it access. He nips into one of the rooms in the Time Hotel which leads to a 21^st century Earth hotel room and Joy (Nicola Coughlan), who’s alone on Christmas. In attempting to rescue her, he gets stuck on Earth for a year living a normal life with unflappable hotel owner Anita (Steph de Whalley). Once the plot resumes, he discovers that the suitcase houses a star seed from Big Evil Arms Corp Villengard. The plan is to use the Time Hotel to detonate it in the past, give it time to grown, and sell it as an unlimited power source. The Doctor stops this – well, Joy does really, by allowing herself to take the star seed into her, be killed, also somehow save the other people we’ve seen the briefcase kill and her Mum as well, who died in hospital (implicitly of Covid but certainly during the time of Covid at least). And the star’s detonation happened over Bethlehem in the year 0001, in what we are assured is a “twist”.

From Russia With Love

James Bond is back! But can the second outing live up to the promise of the first?

For the first time, James Bond Is Back! After the success of Dr No, a second film was all but a certainty, so here it is. Connery’s still in the title role, M is still in the big leather office, and Moneypenny’s still manning the phones, so everything’s in place.

Pre-existing Prejudices
As with Dr No, personally few. I definitely haven’t seen this in over two decades, though I know this is lots of people’s favourite from the Connery era, and often just their favourite full stop. For me, it’s the one with the Lesbian Russian Spy Lady and her bladed footwear, the fight in the train carriage, and Blofeld’s first appearance, but that’s about it.

The Actual Movie
Again I must break my own self-imposed rule and mention the title sequence, because right away the film opens with the famous gun barrel sequence, this time with the correct Bond theme playing over it, not screechy electronics, and Connery firing at the camera. The extent to which this makes it feel like a real Bond movie is hard to overstate.

Dr No

Back where Bond became Bond. But is Dr No a good film or just the place where it all starts?

Where it all began! After apparently every actor to ever appear on screen being offered the role, Sean Connery eventually steps into the tux and brings British secret agent James Bond to life for the very first time, in the role that will go on to define his entire career .

Pre-existing Prejudices
Surprisingly few. I’ve seen this film, but I doubt I’ve seen it in… thirty years maybe? Longer? I definitely saw it as a kid, and probably I even liked it, but beyond a few random images I have almost no memory of this at all.

Godzilla Minus One

Godzilla’s back and, for the very first time, Oscar-nominated! But does G-1 deserve the plaudits?

What’s The Movie? Godzilla Minus One

What’s It All About, JG? In 1945, a kamikaze pilot, Kōichi Shikishima (Ryunosuke Kamiki), lands his plane at a repair station on Odo Island, pretending it’s malfunctioning in order to avoid completing his mission. While there, Godzilla (a relatively small version) emerges and smashes the place to smithereens. Shikishima is ordered to his plane to use the gun but freezes up and can’t open fire so almost the whole population is wiped out. Returning to Tokyo and riddled with survivor’s guilt, he first discovers his parents have been killed, then takes in Noriko Ōishi and the orphaned baby she’s caring for. Over the course of a year they slowly grow closer while Shikishima gets a job clearing mines with a whacky collection of crew (“Doc”, “The Kid”) that both sides put down during the war. At the same time, the nuclear testing mutates Godzilla and he becomes a… bigger rampaging monster? Yep! They witness Godzilla destroy a naval ship then it heads landward to wreck as much of Japan as the special effects budget can stretch to. During this attack, Noriko sacrifices herself to save Shikishima. Finally, Godzilla uses its heat ray to trigger what is very obviously a nuclear explosion, before returning to the sea. Doc, along with a collection of citizens and some decommissioned ships, contrives a plan to take out Godzilla by sinking it to the bottom of the sea and then shooting it back up again while Shikishima distracts it from the air in the lone plane Japan has post World War II. Shikishima, now suicidal after the loss of Noriko, sees this as his chance to redeem the deaths on Odo Island, and once Godzilla has been sunk and resurfaced, flies the plane loaded with explosives into Godzilla’s mouth… only to eject at the last second. Godzilla is stopped and, in the final scene, we discover Norkio survived and is in hospital.

And in the final shot… Godzilla survived too.