Movies – Page 3 – JG Judgementally Comments…

Moonfall

That “the dark side of the moon” gag is the best this movie is going to get. Be warned!

What’s The Movie? Moonfall

What’s It All About, JG? The moon is falling towards the Earth. Now I know what you’re thinking – sounds credible! And it is! Turns out the Moon is, in fact, a megastructure placed there aeons ago by the ancestors of humanity as a kind of ark when AI became too self-aware and tried to wipe humanity out. A plucky band of plucky heroes pluckily try to stop them. You know the type – characters with so much depth and character development they might as well have been called Feisty Female, Butch Male, and Nerdy Redshirt. While they try and figure out the whole moon thing, a teenage boy (Butch Male’s son), an Asian woman who serves no plot function whatsoever but presumably helps with that all-important Chinese market, and Male’s ex-wife and new husband, have typical disaster-movie adventures – getting stuck under falling trees, getting carjacked by local yokels, trying to escape the end of the world by running away a bit – until the plot requires them to not do that any more. The moon gets pluckily fixed thanks to some other aliens and (massive sigh) an EMP device, at the cost of Nerdy Redshirt’s life, and, um, goes back into orbit, so all’s well that ends well, other than the vast unprecedented destruction. Oh but Nerdy Redshit isn’t dead after all, he’s been uploaded to the Moon’s AI, and now it’s time to get to work. Cue sequel? Er…

Star Trek Beyond

Can the third Abramsverse Star Trek movie find something better to do than resurrect an old bad guy? Yes!

Third time’s a charm? After the standard-action-fare of the 2009 movie and the misguided attempt to use Khan in Into Darkness, can Beyond find a successful balance?

Pre-Existing Prejudices: It’s the most recent of the three Abramsverse movies which means that there’s not a lot of scope for historical distance. But as with the other two Abramsverse movies I had generally warm feelings towards it on its release and I’ve watched a couple of times since. I like Idris Elba a lot but don’t remember him making a vast impression, and of course it’s hard to view Anton Yelchin’s performance objectively since his death. Neither a stand-out classic nor a total failure, I remember this as fine. We shall see if that’s still true…

Star Trek: Into Darkness

Khan II: Space Boogaloo. But can Into Darkness do anything to expand on the original?

If the 2009 Star Trek achieved anything it was finding an excellent cast to continue the adventures of the old crew in new times. But now the crew has been established, can Into Darkness find a way forward for them?

Pre-Existing Prejudices: All together now: KKKkhhhhaaaaannnnnn! Yes, it’s the most notorious of the three Abramsverse movies, and probably the most controversial. There are accusations of whitewashing, with Ricardo Montalban’s charismatic take being replaced by This Year’s Thing, Benedict Cumberbatch. There’s sexism, with the gratuitous Carol-Marcus-in-underwear scene. There’s the… well, actually is it plagiarism of The Wrath Of Khan? Not really I guess, since it’s an intentional reinterpretation of those events. Eh, anyway, it’s that movie.

Star Trek

The Next Generation have become the former generation as Nemesis signalled the end of the line for that iteration of the show. But what’s this? We’re going back to TOS with a new cast for the old crew? Well, Ok then…

Pre-Existing Prejudices: It’s the first of three (so far) Abrmbsverse Star Trek movies where we return to the era of TOS with a new cast and a new timeline. I remember vividly seeing this in 2009 and having largely positive reactions to it, with some moments working very well (the TOS theme on a massive cinema sound system!) and some not so much. I’ve seen it a couple of times since but this will be the first time I’ve sat down to actually analyse it rather than simply sticking it on. For what it’s worth, when I first saw this in the cinema with my other half, his reaction was, “that’s the best Star Trek movie I’ve ever seen in the cinema”. The one he saw previous to that was Insurrection…

No Time To Die

Can No Time To Die wrap up the Craig era in a satisfying way?

After a pandemic-induced delay, No Time To Die finally arrives in theatres and on streaming. But can Daniel Craig’s final outing make up for the disappointment of Spectre?

Pre-Existing Prejudices:

Beyond the interminable delays, not much. The delays had, I must confess, robbed some of my interest and the momentum behind the film seemed pretty stalled, despite Daniel Craig’s apparent willingness to pop up just about anywhere to try and get some interest going. And I didn’t know either of the Big Twists prior to seeing it, so that was nice. Reviews were mixed, but then again it’s a James Bond movie – reviews are always mixed. (For what it’s worth I watched this at home on streaming, not in the cinema).

Star Trek: Nemesis

Despite it’s reputation, it’s not that bad! Wait, come back, it’s true!

We enter the 21^st century at last, with the final of four TNG movies, and arguably the one with the worst reputation. But can Nemesis at the very least avoid the blandness of its predecessor?

Pre-Existing Prejudices: Well, as mentioned, I don’t think there’s any movie in the Star Trek canon that has quite the reputation of Nemesis, though Into Darkness will work hard to correct this. As with all movies post-The Final Frontier I have seen this in the cinema, and have… well, you can probably guess but unusual opinions on it anyway.

Venom – Let There Be Carnage

Yup, that’s the whole review

What an absolute piece of shit movie.

The Protégé

Or, Why Is It So Hard To Find A Good Starring Vehicle For Maggie Q?

What’s The Movie? The Protégé

What’s It All About, JG? Mostly, figuring out why the awesome Maggie Q is stuck in rote nonsense like this instead of having Michelle Yeoh’s career. But more specifically Anna (Maggie Q) is an assassin, rescued from Vietnam as a child after a massacre, who completes high-profile, high-target missions around the globe. Her rescuer/mentor, Moody (Samuel L Jackson), is killed after a mission and Anna seeks revenge. That’s it, basically. Oh wait, there’s Rembrandt, as played rather wonderfully by the always-excellent Michael Keaton, who has a fuck me/kill me thing going on with Anna, and who works for the person she suspects of killing Moody. They flirt, have sex, have gun battles, flirt a bit more… you know, standard relationship stuff. Eventually it turns our Moody’s not dead after all, and he sacrifices himself to take down Vohl, the movie’s Big Bad, apparently because he has a bit of a cough. The end.

Star Trek VI – The Undiscovered Country

The final frontier beckons at long last – retirement.

After Shatner’s wobby-but-easy-to-appreciate take on the franchise we’re back with “safer” hands as Nicholas Meyer and Leonard Nimoy return to helm the TOS crew’s final outing. But will “safe” be a synonym for “dull” or will The Undiscovered Country deserve its place in the pantheon of good Star Trek films?

Pre-Existing Prejudices: Alongside The Wrath Of Khan this is, I know, generally regarded as the strongest of the TOS outings. It’s one I’ve always had a lot of appreciation for, though as with most of the TOS films it’s been a very long time since I’ve seen it so I’ve no idea whether my warm fuzzy memories are in any way justified.

Star Trek V – The Final Frontier

Does the movie with the worst reputation in the Star Trek canon deserve it’s fate? Surprisingly, no.

In some ways, Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home was a perfect conclusion for the TOS crew. The story arc that’s run for three movies’ reached its conclusion, there’s some character growth, and a promise of the future with a new ship. But it wasn’t the conclusion – so can Star Trek V: The Final Frontier add anything to the saga?

Pre-Existing Prejudices: “What does God need with a starship?” It’s that one! Yes, arguably the most notorious movie in the whole of Star Trek, this has its fair share of critics. It’s co-written and directed by William Shatner, which means he’s bringing everything to the table, for both good and ill. Because I’m a nerdy fan, I’m aware that this is the first of several Star Trek appearances by the joyfully brilliant David Warner, if not perhaps his most noted. Marshmellons, El Captian, Spock’s half-brother… it’s a heady mix. Let’s find out if this movie deserves it’s dreadful reputation!